


and i'll admire your expensive taste

by legdabs (scvlly)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, dan's a designer hoe, discussion of homophobia but....like.....kinda in abstract
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 13:51:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15026033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scvlly/pseuds/legdabs
Summary: dan buys another expensive jumper, but that's not all it is.





	and i'll admire your expensive taste

 

“Hey, Phil?” Dan calls from their upstairs living room, and Phil follows his voice to find him; rounding the corner to see him curled up on their grey sofa in his boxers and an oversized jumper, eyes fixed on his laptop.

“‘sup?” Phil asks, lifting Dan’s legs to rest them on his lap as he sits beside him, leaning in to look at the computer screen. “Shopping?”

Dan hums noncommittally, flicking through a few tabs before clearly finding the one he’s been looking for, and tilting the laptop towards Phil. “Can I get this?”

It’s a black Gucci hoodie, because of course it is; one with the brand’s name spelled out in rainbow-coloured lettering above a list of cities. It’s simple, and Phil can see the appeal - but he’s never quite understood how anyone can justify the price of a design he’s sure he could’ve pulled together in two minutes flat on Photoshop.

“It’s £850, Dan.”

“And? It’s pretty. _You_ call me a designer slut. Anyway, it’s a mood.”

“It’s because you are one,” Phil rolls his eyes, rubbing his fingers into Dan’s ankles where they lie against his thighs. “Why’s it a mood?”

“Look at it. It’s expensive, gay, and essentially useless. Like me.”

"Dan," Phil chides his self-deprecation, laughing despite himself. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“Yep. Does that mean I can buy it?”

Dan reaches for Phil’s fingers, turning to him with the puppy-dog eyes that he _knows_ will unfailingly get him exactly what he wants every time. Phil knows when he’s beaten, and graciously accepts yet another defeat for their poor, poor bank account.

“You do whatever you want, love,” he tells him with a faux-forced smile. “It’s as much your money as it is mine.”

 

* * *

 

The hoodie arrives a few days later in a box that seems to Phil to be too big for just a hoodie, but he shrugs it off as a designer indulgence and takes the delivery up to Dan, barely awake in the pale light that leaks into their room.

“You-as-a-hoodie’s here,” he tells him, throwing the package at Dan’s long, duvet-covered form.

Dan grunts but reaches for the box; tearing at the packaging with clumsy hands that are still heavy from sleep, and Phil decides he has to step in and open it himself.

“Thanks,” Dan says huskily, sitting up against the headboard before reaching his arms into the sleeves and pulling the jumper on to cover his bare chest. He looks up at Phil, still standing on the other side of the bed. “How do I look?”

“I mean, you’re literally still in bed, so my judgement isn’t gonna be great. But I like it. You look… warm.”

Dan smiles at him. “Thank you.”

“’s okay,” Phil smiles back, but he can feel himself forcing the response. Their whole exchange feels a little off, he thinks; normally Dan’s hugely enthusiastic about new clothes, and can’t wait to try them on with at least three different pairs of jeans that look exactly the same to Phil. Pulling on an £850 jumper whilst still in bed and being satisfied with such a simple compliment is really not Dan at all.

He watches Dan, sees him barely move except to pull the sleeves over his hands and wiggle his fingers beneath the black fabric once or twice. Phil knows he has to say something; the question is, what?

“What’s up, love?” he asks, settling for the simplest option; the one most likely not to push Dan away.

Dan looks up, taking a moment before he shrugs and focuses his eyes back on his sweater paws.

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s not if you’re upset about it.”

Dan sighs. It’s a sigh that tells Phil it’ll take Dan a while to talk about it, but it’s also not something he really wants to keep to himself.

“Can you come here?” Dan eventually asks in one of the smallest voices Phil’s heard in a long time, and with his heart squeezing in on itself, Phil crawls into bed beside him. He wraps an arm around Dan, encouraging him gently towards his chest. He goes willingly, curling himself against Phil’s body, and Phil spends a few moments running his fingertips through Dan’s curls in an effort to comfort the boy in his arms.

“I saw this jumper in Russia,” Dan says out of nowhere. His voice is a little muffled, but Phil can hear him well enough, and he continues to card his hands though Dan’s hair to show he’s still listening, still there.  “It was in the Gucci shop in the Gum store, remember?”

“I remember,” Phil says softly.

“I saw it and I wanted it, but I literally felt too scared. Because it’s subtle, y’know? And I thought, I can wear this, and if I don’t want to, like, make it mean more, it doesn’t have to. But it _does_ mean more really, to me, and our audience, and probably to everyone who sees it. And part of me wanted to wear it for that reason alone, but it’s... it's the same reason I was scared.”

Dan pauses to sigh.

“And I know it’s not fair, like, on the Russian people to assume they’re all homophobes, but also I kinda feel like… like I wouldn’t wear it here, either? Not outside, anyway. And I don’t know why, because it’s a fucking _hoodie_ , Phil, and it’s not like I’m really hiding or ashamed or anything, I just…” Dan trails off. After the barrage of his rambling, the silence that falls feels heavy; loaded with so much that’s still unsaid, so much that’s not yet been unpacked.

“You just don’t want the questions,” Phil supplies, hoping he’s got the right end of the stick. When Dan nods against his stomach, he knows he has.

“Every time I think I’m ready to be more open, to own it, I just… something happens that makes me wonder if I’m ready, y’know? Even something as simple as rainbow lettering feels dangerous.”

“It’s okay,” Phil tells him, because it is. He knows how much Dan has struggled with this, with accepting himself and letting others accept him, too. However confidently and openly he presents himself publicly these days, Phil knows there are still layers of insecurity. They don’t worry Phil like they used to, not on a personal level, but he worries for Dan. He knows how much he fears never being able to shake the demons that have hounded him since he was much younger than he is now, how much he dreads never being fully able to live his truth.

“What changed your mind?” Phil asks gently. “You bought it almost as soon as we got back, so what made you feel differently?”

Dan shrugs. “I don’t really know. I still liked it, and I realised I’d been thinking about it since… since I saw it. And that thinking about it was, like, regretting not buying it. So I did something about it because I could.”

“I’m glad you did something about it,” Phil hugs him a little tighter. “It really is a nice jumper, Dan; even if it was one of the most expensive things you’ve ever bought.”

That comment earns him a laugh, so Phil continues.

“You don’t have to wear it outside. You can keep it on in the house, maybe wear it in a liveshow if you feel good enough about it. Or…”

He trails off, wondering whether or not to continue the thought, but Dan decides for him, prompting:

“Or?”

Phil shrugs. “Maybe we could go a step further than last year. Post selfies for London pride, instead of just tweets. You could wear that. I’ll buy myself something with a rainbow on, too, and that way it doesn’t have to mean anything more than us both sending a message of support, even if people kinda know it’s something more.”

Dan’s quiet for a moment, and Phil worries he’s said too much. He’s planning how he’ll backtrack and take the pressure off of his suggestion when Dan rolls towards him, looking up with a wide smile and a brightness to his eyes that Phil realises he’s been missing since the day he ordered the jumper.

“I’d like that.”

“You would?” Phil tries not to sound too relieved.

“Yeah. I would,” Dan nods, reaching up with one sweater paw for the back of Phil’s neck to bring his face down to his own. He kisses him briefly; Phil can feel Dan’s persistent smile against his lips, and he’s sure Dan can feel his own against his too.

Dan continues: “There’s actually a jumper I think you’d like.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s Gucci too.”

“Me? In Gucci?”

“You’ll look great, babe,” Dan winks at him playfully. “It’s very AmazingPhil. It’s got a spaceship on it.”

“A rainbow spaceship?”

“A rainbow spaceship.”

Phil grins down at him, wiggling his eyebrows. “Sounds like it’s out of this world.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> legdabs on tumblr!
> 
> i may or may not have been waiting to write something with this title for......a month. i was gonna write sth about dan pulling phil into all the £££££££££££ shops in the gum store but i couldn't get anywhere with it so. here. tee hee hee
> 
> jumper refs if u wanna see them (and uh..... buy me dan's.....pls.......)  
> [dan](https://www.gucci.com/uk/en_gb/pr/men/mens-ready-to-wear/mens-sweatshirts/gucci-cities-hooded-sweatshirt-p-475374X3N601082?position=25&listName=PGEU4Cols&categoryPath=Men/Mens-Ready-To-Wear/Mens-Sweatshirts)  
> [phil](https://www.gucci.com/uk/en_gb/pr/men/mens-ready-to-wear/mens-sweaters-cardigans/planet-intarsia-striped-sweater-p-496660X15494429?position=31&listName=PGEU4Cols&categoryPath=Men/Mens-Ready-To-Wear/Mens-Sweaters-Cardigans)


End file.
